Thursday, May 20, 2010

one night of nonsense

something is definately wrong with me today
no idea why
but i kept on thinking of stupid things.
really stupid things
like today
when i was cleaning up the kitchen
doing the dishes and stuff
i held a knife
and wondered how painful is it if i stuck it through my chest
am i gonna die?
or survive it?
and what if
i swallowed a dozen of panadols
and drank coke with it
how does that feels?
because i know people who do these stupid stuff
i just don't know why they do it
since i don't
i came up with my own conclusions
based on what i feel 
these people
they can't handle the pressure
it hurts them so badly
so bad that only death can erase the pain away
instead of moving on
they found a fast solution
which i think is death
oh i thought of it too
'i wish i could just slit my left hand and let the blood drain out of me'
but i didn't have the guts
what would my family do
if i committed suicide
i don't want to be stupid 
so i gathered up my strength
and trying to be strong enough not to do stupid things
eventually i do
nothing life-wrecking =)
but that's the beauty of life
'sometimes in agony,sometimes in pain'
and some other times
try to be happy
in any possible ways.

it's just a reminder that i might do stupid things.
i almost did.and held myself against it.
help me be strong to live.

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