faded?

You get to know this person, and you know he is taken from the very beginning.

Nevertheless, you confessed that you fell for him. And from there, you took the decision to backdown.

Not hoping for anything, even considered a fling.

Then he came back for you, which was unexpected. You played along.

And you mustered courage, and made your first move. 

Why did you fall for him? Because of his kindness, his thoughtfullness..well. pretty much towards everyone. Perhaps that friendship, that partnership that you have started with him, something to discuss, a reason to meet, a reason to hear out and talk and listen...he definitely is a good listener. 

That was back then when he listens a lot, to you. 

Fast forward, ten years later.

To get him to listen to you is quite a work now. Sometimes, you just want to be heard..you just want his attention. Sometimes when you talk, you get cut by him..and he will talk of something else. And, you will play along. Sometimes..

It was just recently, that you got to know that he goes on lunch dates with his co worker..and you read his messages..'make me.happy' 'dear' 'im a good listener' '2000 lunch dates'. These words..

Your heart shatters. Your worst nightmare has come true.you confronted him. Uounhabe reminded him, of how everuthing staryed. Friendship.listening.

And he has not said the whole truth. He said it was all work stuff. No more than that.he apologizes.

This was a week ago. One week has past, and it is still stuck in your head like a stage 4 tumor that just drains your life out. 

You really hope that he will act as your chemo, ease the pain away.because you have no one else to turn to.

But now..

Every look..

Every stare...

Every response..

..is very sensitive to you. 

..has he changed? Or have you?

..all questions now pop in your head.but the most..

..has it all really..faded...?

..is all of this..just acting..?

..is he..still deeply inlove with you?

Faded, 2021.